m loves reading: Review: Until You (Fall Away, #1.5) by Penelope Douglas

5 stars! *****

Author: Penelope Douglas

Title: Until You (Fall Away, #1.5)

Have you ever been so angry that hitting things felt good? Or so numb that you actually felt high? The past few years have been like that for me. Traveling between fury and indifference with no stops in between.

Some people hate me for it, while others are scared of me. But none of them can hurt me, because I don't care about anything or anyone.

Except Tatum.

I love her so much that I hate her. We used to be friends, but I found out that I couldn't trust her or anyone else.

So I hurt her. I pushed her away.

But I still need her. The sight of her centers me, and I can pool all of my anger into her. Engaging her, challenging her, bullying her...they are my food, my air, and the last part of me that feels anything human.

But she left. She went to France for a year, and came back a different girl.

Now, when I push, she pushes back.

While Bully is from only Tate's POV, Until You is from Jared's POV and it. was. awesome.

In Bully we had only Tate's side of the story, her feelings, her problems. And in the end there were few holes. Not much, but a few. Mostly in Jared's side of the story. Until You filled them all.

We were taken back to the very beginning, to the moment those two met. We were taken back to the summer when everything changed. We were taken back to all the horrible moment from Bully.

We got to see Jared's inner fight. And I know that the way he dealt with his pain wasn't right and in the end he realized that, but we saw that at that moment hating Tate was the only way he knew how to deal with his pain. He was too afraid to let himself be vulnerable so he severed all ties with her. Because he believed that being vulnerable and in love made him weak. And being weak was the last thing he wanted to be.

For a year he was repeating the same rutine. Car, sex, parties. Over and over again. He was stuck and he's been empty inside. Then Tatum came back from France and Jared was ready to let her be. But once he saw her, he started to feel again, he didn't feel dead anymore. And he started to bully her again. But this time, she fought back.

One think lead to another and he realized that he didn't really hate her. That it was only pretense. That in fact, after all this time he's still in love with her. That he wasted three years tormenting the most important person in his life and he wonders if he realized it too late.

He fought hard to win her back and even when he did, she still didn't trust him. And I don't blame her. You just can't turn the trust on like a switch. It has to be build slowly and carefully otherwise it's going to fall.

Until You went a bit more ahead of time that Bully and we got to see just how fragile the trust between them was. And how strong the love between them was.

In Bully there was a part that I read three times in a row - Tate's monologue in the class and in Bully it was Jared's final monologue in the last chapter. Those two speeches really affected me and got me thinking.

"There are times when we can blame a situation on others, but we own our reactions to them. There comes a point where we are the ones responsible for our choices and excuses don’t carry weight anymore."

Both Bully and Until You are amazing, inspiring books. They teach forgivness and that only asking for it isn't enough. You have to prove that you deserve it. Trust doesn't come for free either. Once you destroy it, you have to build it again with care. And also that love conqueres pretty much everything if it's strong enough.